buzzuponme

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:48:55 GMT

I can't even look at you without falling in love with you over and over again. I wonder why you like me and how serious you are, but I shouldn't. I'm scared of what I've gotten into. Three days without you and that has been making my head shake

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 15:31:31 GMT

While driving home i realized that there are a lot of things i need to say to you that i cant say to you in person. What am I leaving? No job, more friends than I realized, a history of ups and downs. I don't know, I know you wont read this. I hope you're aware (which I think you are) that I am SO proud of you. It breaks my heart to see you look back on your life and not yet be satisfied, but you will be. Never have I gotten so attached or been so honest. Please, sweep those piles far from your feet and don't forget about me, ok? Because where ever you end up, remember that someone wished it upon you because of the difference you made. Keep being yourself, your amazing, loving, silent self and I promise you that I will stay me.

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 16:49:39 GMT

loneliness isn't being alone....

Never been so comfortable with someone
so myself
and thats all it is it's driving me nuts
not to tell you that i love you in the morning.

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:59:32 GMT

Despite how shitty things and people can be, (catty, restless, obnoxious, sketchy), some parts of life are actually good. California and counting. Waiting for 1 am tomorrow.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:31:21 GMT

See if I give a fuck!

Look at that, we have journal entries about the same person! But somehow you were the one who asked me out last summer.... I thought you were a lesbian? I thought you had ring worm?
if that's what you're going to pick over your friends, fine. Never talk shit to my friends ever again about "never using their brain" because obviously, you don't either.

I am now exponentially hung over and have to go take some finals. Okay with me.

Fri, 02 May 2008 11:01:55 GMT

I guess I crossed the line somewhere between holding your hand and having your fingers on the back of my neck.

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:56:06 GMT

And I guess that's how I felt. That if anyone knew how a relationship would end, people would never date anyone. But who is using who? Honestly I can't remember. Now my dog is in the hospital. And apparently I have no friends. And that is why this post is for you. Who else could it be for? I am tired of the same-ol' same-ol' and the public displays of affection. But I like seeing you and only because of your convenience. That's how I still feel.

Synagogues in spring
And why is the grass so green?
With a taste of wine

My haiku of the day.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:18:30 GMT

Where do I tell you that I can't do this anymore? I surely can't do it to your face.

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:22:48 GMT

Ahhh, this is the first time I've been sober all week. I'm running low on baby-sitter fluid. "It's nothing to worry about, it's just poetry." I'm going to soak my cut-up feet in the salty river. Where is summer? I'm in limbo.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:15:25 GMT

I don't recall sleep. I woke up awake laying beside you on the side of the bed that I don't find comfort in. I can still see the stains. I packed my things and left. Laid awake all day.

My head hurts. Is the week over yet? This week has been so strange and not like me.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 16:21:12 GMT

How much rain do we really need?

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:45:13 GMT

Wellll guess you cracked the code! However, I did ask you to come over and actually talk to me, and you didn't. So I am more than ever allowed to talk shit in my livejournal, because it's a JOURNAL, and you made me keep it in all day. Sorry that you were too busy and now it's on the internet.

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:34:16 GMT

I'm going to try this "Say what you want to say without anyone knowing what you're talking about" thing.
First, I've almost completed narrowing down my friends. Joof is my favorite. Second, "everyone is in love with me!". Third, I like that I can sleep in the same room with people that I am in love with (yeah, I said it) and not do anything. Not even want to do anything. I've realized sex doesn't mean anything and whenever you're with someone that you think cares about you because they are kissing you, think again. I've grown up and gotten over it. I've learned how to have fun without being completely fucked up and all over the place. I have social skills. Anyways, new people are walking into my life every day. Need to decide if I should keep them there. School this week is going to blow because I've been for a total of 4 hours in the past week and a half. Sick sick sick been in bed all day dont really mind, dont really care what youre doing. I hate the title that you give yourself and show other people which means you can get away with things because of whatever it is that youre doing. I don't think jesus approves. Ok, this still doesnt make sense. I try to read back on old entries and have no idea what i was trying to say in them.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:41:40 GMT

I guess that's when I decided to end it. To stop the tape, to cut the reel. Little life was getting in the way of big life. I have to take the second pill at 8:38pm. I was just informed that I can't get pregnant anyways. I'm all I have left and I've given it away to every one. I'm choosing to end it. I'm choosing to sit in the aquarium. Tears have been coming and going and coming again all morning. I don't eat I just smoke. This is cryptic. I will miss you.

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:36:57 GMT

Yesterday was a huge mistake. I went to talk about how to make things better, to prove that I cared, to show that I wanted it and none of that happened. I'm just another girl. I get questioned when I talk to other dudes, but I never ask you about when you talk to other girls because honestly, I don't want to know. I feel so stupid. I considered not even taking the pill just to make things different this time, but that would totally fuck me up. I am nothing

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 13:36:57 GMT

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 14:44:52 GMT

Yesterday was very very strange. So strange that I almost don't remember any of it. I'm seeing Evan today. THAT is retarded. It's an exboyfriend weekend. "Don't call him dont call him dont call him"

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 17:57:55 GMT

I liked someone for a year and had no chance so I got over it. Now it's the other way around and I blew him off. I feel terrible, but I'm tired of people dealing with me on their time. I'm sorry that you missed out on how great of a person I am. I am waiting for all the crap that I ate this week to catch up to me. I guess that's it. Life is shitting on me.

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:02:26 GMT

All week, people have been telling me how weird I am and how much they love it. Found the person that's absolutely perfect and I am only the friend. I just noticed how many freckles I have.

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 10:42:44 GMT

You don't agree with what I do, and I don't agree with what you do. I just choose not to tell you.

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 19:24:01 GMT

What the fuck happened last night? From what I can remember, that's never been a situation that I could see myself in. It sucked, my position totally sucked.

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 22:59:05 GMT

So, I am attending DCAD in the fall. I don't really reserve it; I feel like a faker. Sara's home, I am high all the time. Working 30 hours this week. Still kind of poor...
I've just been living in such a fog with being so stoned (I guess a literal 'fog' then) and being so tired. Taking risks. Not mad that you have a new girlfriend. Kind of mad because when I think about it, my heart sinks into my stomach. New friends, yada yada yada. Still completely in love with you but have been able to get over it. Gaining weight. New Years? I need a good night's sleep on someone's floor. I am going to be high as shit. I hope everyone reads this.

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 14:24:18 GMT

"I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too hard." Are you kidding me? We know it's hard. When ever I'd complain about it or have doubts, you wouldn't. What am I supposed to do?
Anyways, THAT's over, thank God. Time to get my shit together (while seeing someone new, I suppose)
I guess that's all. Uncontrolable coughing. Extremely tired. I have lots of money.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:02:26 GMT

When no one is around, love will always love you.

There's a point to this, I promise. I swear I wish things were more simple. I would give anything to be playing in bed with someone that I love. I would. My heart is exploding right now. The thought of being committed and in love completely baffles me. I can't be comfortable with something so real. The thought of something that I am going to have or remember for the rest of my life is so incredible. I'm so afraid of that. Anytime I've ever had that, I've lost it. Ask me to marry you. Right now. Ask me. I'd drop everything I have for you in a heartbeat. Does this make sense? I hope it does because it's the truth. I know it's the truth because I'm crying.

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 15:12:08 GMT

I just realized that I know 14 people that do/have done heroin.